100 Reasons that beer is better than women

1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.
2. BEER stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a BEER.
4. Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
6. BEER is never late.
7. HANGOVERS go away.
8. A BEER doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
9. BEER labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.
11. BEER never has a headache.
12. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
14. If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
16. A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
17. You can share a BEER with your friends.
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
19. A BEER is always wet.
20. BEER doesn't demand equality.
21. A BEER doesn't care when you come.
22. You can have a BEER in public.
23. A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
24. You don't have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
25. BEER always comes in multiples of six.
26. BEER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
28. After you have a BEER, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the
empty bottle.
29. A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. BEER looks the same in the morning.
33. BEER doesn't look you up in a month.
34. BEER doesn't worry about someone walking in.
35. BEER doesn't worry about waking the kids.
36. BEER doesn't get cramps.
37. BEER doesn't have a mother.
38. BEER doesn't have morals.
39. BEER doesn't go crazy once a month.
40. BEER always listens and never argues.
41. BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
42. BEER doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. BEER doesn't have cold hands/feet.
44. BEER doesn't demand legality.
45. BEER is never overweight.
46. If you change BEERs, you don't have to pay alimony.
47. BEER won't run off with your credit cards.
48. BEER doesn't have a lawyer.
49. BEER doesn't need much closet space.
50. BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.
52. BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
53. BEER never changes its mind.
54. BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
55. BEER never asks you to change the station.
56. BEER doesn't make you go shopping.
57. BEER doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
58. BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59. BEER is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.
61. BEER doesn't pout or play games.
62. BEER NEVER says no.
63. BEER is easy to get into.
64. BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERs.
66. BEER doesn't wear a bra.
67. BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.
68. BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.
69. BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.
70. BEER doesn't live with its mother.
71. BEER doesn't blow you off.
72. BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
73. BEER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
74. BEER doesn't mind football season.
75. A BEER won't make you go to church.
76. A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A BEER doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
79. A BEER doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other BEERs around.
80. A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials wit babies are
"cute".
81. If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
"doberperson".
83. A BEER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on
your favorite radio station.
84. A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
85. A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a BEER, it won't think
you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
87. A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A BEER won't smoke in your car.
89. A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between
shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and
blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
90. A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A BEER will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for
getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in
Barcelona.
92. A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
93. A BEER never fishes for compliments.
94. Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. BEER tastes *good*.
96. If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the
BEER won't accuse you of "date rape".
97. A BEER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes'
Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
98. An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A BEER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery
store.
100. A BEER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the BEER won't accuse you of it.)


Apenguin

One of my favourite song

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you


By :-
Bryan Admes.

Firewall.

Hi friends ,here i am sending you a good firewall tutorials.

its a step by step Debian Firewall.

just click and see.


Apenguin

nagios installations ,

hi friends , today i have done nagios ( Network monitoring Tool) in my computer .

so i am sending you the configurations.

1) install nagios-1.0b5.tar.gz nagiosplug-1.3-beta1.tar.gz
2) Before nagios installation download zlib,libgd and libpng compile and install it.
3)use useradd nagios and groupadd nagios. 4)and then configure usign following command

debian:/nagios#./configure --prefix=/usr/local/nagios --with-cgiurl=/nagios/cgi-bin --with-htmurl=/nagios/ --with-nagios-user=nagios --with-nagios-grp=nagios

5)use make all for compile the nagios .
6)use make install for install all package.
7)use make install-init for init process.
8) then use ls /usr/local/nagios you will se only four dir bin sbin share var so you need to install etc also ,so use next step .
10)use make install-config
11)then configure nagios-plugin using this command /configure --prefix=/usr/local/nagios --with-nagios-user=nagios --with-nagios-group=nagios 12)you will see /usr/local/nagios/libexex

13)check pluginin installed or not using usr/local/nagios/libexex/check_ssh -h
14)change all *.cfg-sample file using fllowing script

for i in *cfg-sample; do mv $i `echo $i | sed -e s/cfg-sample/cfg/`; done;

15)Now your basic work is finished ,

Then edit in files like hosts.cfg etcc...

when we will edit we will get some error..

following thing will not work so do not enable it

1. host_inter_check_delay_method=s

1. max_host_check_spread=30
2. auto_reschedule_checks=1
3. auto_rescheduling_interval=30
4. auto_rescheduling_window=180

use_agressive_host_checking=0 enable_flap

1. host_perfdata_file_processing_command=process-host-perfdata-file
2. service_perfdata_file_processing_command=process-service-perfdata-file

check_for_orphaned_services=0 check_service_freshness=0

1. service_freshness_check_interval=60
2. check_host_freshness=0
3. host_freshness_check_interval=60

date_format=us illegal_object_name_chars=`~!$%^&*"|'<>?,()= illegal_macro_output_chars=`~$^&"|'<>
use_regexp_matching=0

1. host_perfdata_file=/usr/local/nagios/var/host-perfdata.dat
2. service_perfdata_file=/usr/local/nagios/var/service-perfdata.dat

service_perfdata_file_template=[SERVICEPERFDATA]\t$TIMET$\t$HOSTNAME$\t$SERVICEDESC$\t$SERVICEEXECUTIONTIME$\t$SERVICELATENCY$\t$SERVICEOUTPUT$\t$SERVICEPERFDATA$ host_perfdata_file_mode=a service_perfdata_file_mode=a host_perfdata_file_processing_interval=0 service_perfdata_file_processing_interval=0

host_perfdata_file_processing_command=process-host-perfdata-file service_perfdata_file_processing_command=process-service-perfdata-file check_for_orphaned_services=0

use_retained_scheduling_info=1

if any body have some query then send me .

Thanks
Apenguin.

gentoo installation ,,

Hi all,
The installation of gentoo is sucking me ,,as people know that i am a big fan of debian but we have to use gentoo for official work. but finally i have install it .
here i am sending you some documentation of installation procedure.

1)install the base system through bootable Cdrom .
2)Create the partition using fdisk or cfdisk . Batter you create the patiotion using cfdisk and after that use mke2fs for creating the ext3 type.
#mke2fs -L boot /dev/hda1
3)mount root partition on /mnt/gentoo
4)mount all partition on like boot, home ,var but before you must be sure that you have make all dir in /mnt/gentoo after mounting the root.
5)copy of stage and portage form the cdrom and use following command.

copy stage3-i686-2004.3.tar.bz2..., portage-20050122.tar.bz2... along with the md5 signatures.
6). Verify md5sum -c stage3-i686-2004.3.tar.bz2.md5 ...
7). tar -xvjpf stage3-i686-2004.3.tar.bz2...
8). tar -xvjf portage-20050122.tar.bz2... -C /mnt/gentoo/usr
9)  cp -p /etc/resolv.conf /mnt/gentoo/etc/; vi /mnt/gentoo/etc/make.conf

CHROOTing to new environment

10. chroot /mnt/gentoo /bin/bash
11. env-update && source /etc/profile
12. passwd
13. emerge sync
14. ln -sf /usr/share/zoneinfo/Asia/Calcutta /etc/localtime
15. vi /etc/rc.conf and change CLOCK="local" from CLOCK="UTC". Also change EDITOR="/usr/bin/vim"
16. emerge -n genkernel grub gentoo-sources sysklogd vixie-cron reiserfsprogsiptables squid genlop gentoolkit esearch vim rcs ntpcoldplug hotplug logrotate slocate dhcp bind opensshmemtest86+ screen app-admin/sudo tripwire sysstat logwatch
17. ntpdate clock.redhat.com and hwclock --systohc
18. genkernel --menuconfig --save-config all
19. configure processor, netfilter, qos, ethernet driver,
ext3 /reiserfs posix access control list and Security Labels, Quota support
20. mkdir /etc/portage;
21. rc-update add coldplug boot; rc-update add hotplug default (sysklogd, vixie-cron, iptables, squid)
22. vi /etc/modules.autoload.d/kernel-2.6 (add rtl8139too sis900 ...); modules-update
23. vi /etc/fstab
24. echo proxy > /etc/hostname
25. echo homelinux.net > /etc/dnsdomainname
26. rc-update add domainname default
27. vi /etc/conf.d/net
28. rc-update add net.eth0 default
29. vi /etc/hosts
30. vi /boot/grub/grub.conf
cp /proc/mounts /etc/mtab
grub-install --root-directory=/boot /dev/hda
31. Alternately, grub> root (hd0,0)
Specify where your /boot partition resides),
grub> setup (hd0) (Install GRUB in the MBR),
grub> quit (Exit the GRUB shell)

and you can read the doc from the gentoo installation guide

Apenguin

joining Corpshield..........

hi
i am joining corpshield.
it is good for open source ,

Apenguin