"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life,
so get wasted all of the time,
drink beer & have a time of your life."
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober."
--William Butler Yeats
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? ".
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! ".
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work
and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Jack Handy
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer."
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no
way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer"